Author: Michael

There is a new kid on the block who cares not about making friends, or even chatting! He is COVID19 and does not answer to anyone, regardless of color , race or creed! He leaves destruction and anguish in its path , absorbing even whole families at a time, resulting in an emotional ocean of tears and hopelessness! This virus can physically make or break family ties, or even friendship. Will these people bond together, supporting each other, or become selfish, hoarding food supplies and medications, and let others suffer, taking us back, not to the middle ages, but to the old ages where it was a ” dog eat dog ” situation ? I truly hope not…that is a disgrace to humanity. Regardless of the origin of this terrible virus, the main item on the agenda is to safeguard ourselves, and find the cure. Each day brings new sorrow to grieving families. We are running out of time like an hour glass. Doctors and health care professionals are working day and night to find the answer….how long will that take, I have no idea. What I do know is that there will be many instances of self sacrifice in the pursuit of finding a cure, and in helping others! So ,stop sitting on the fence..jump in and lend a helping hand! Remember, times like this can either make or break us. Let there be unity..not discord. This is not the tower of Babel! ENOUGH OF POLITICS ( as if covid-19 will differentiate between people), THIS IS A GLOBAL FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL!!

What do you feel when you think that you have chosen the wrong partner in life…even getting married , and, worst of all, populating the world with offsprings from this wrong partner? Do you feel guilty, silly or just laugh it off as another of life’s joke on you? Is there something that you can do to rectify this delicate situation ? Surely, you cannot even harbor the very thought of disowning the children ,because after all , they were the results of your pleasure! They are the innocents! They are GOD’S children, and as such are blameless! Because of this unholy union, did they become thieves and robbers… or even saints and scholars, just to mock you? We cannot foresee the future, hence we didn’t know what would be the outcome of this partnership! Is this person our soulmate, or do we have to be reborn several times before we can accomplish this seemingly impossible task? Who knows? Should we end this union and start a new one…..until we think we have found our soulmate…like on a trial and error basis? With some religions and some people, there is but only one chance, and one chance only! You have to complete that journey together,,good or bad…there is no trial and error basis. Well, I have said all that I have to say! The rest is up to you! To be or not to be…that is the question!

Alzheimer’s ‘ disease ,also called senile dementia, is a progressive disease that destroys memory and other important mental functions. Brain cell connections and the cells themselves degenerate and die thus leaving destruction and despair in its wake! I cannot even begin to imagine the feelings of the affected, but I do know about those who are affected! I was one! The people who have this disease are surely going through an extremely tough time , both physically and emotionally . Imagine , on a daily basis, not being able to go to the bathroom, not being able to wear your clothes, not being able to count the days or unable to do so many other things ….being dependent on others , it has to affect them! Sometimes , I guess that they can’t even feel the feeling of being dependent! Some of them even have to get pictures of loved ones with their names written beside , just to remember, but after a while, this doesn’t help! I was very fortunate to have my mother still remember me on her deathbed. Those taking care of the affected also have an emotionally and physically tough time dealing with this…they feel the loss day by day! How much suffering can they withstand? This is not a one time thing but is ongoing. You have to be strong…you have to endure. This is a test of your faith! Never give up that love that you have for them. These are the ties that bind!

As I lay on my dying bed, I once again reflect on my life…my memories, my experiences! Did I live a good happy life? Was everything to my expectation ? Do I need people to judge me and deliver a verdict ? Sorry! I do my own analysis whether I was good or bad..I made my choices and I lived with them..so I am my own judge and jury. I did what I had to do! I can imagine my parents meeting for the first time…I guess there were sparks,,maybe love at first sight! Who knows? Were there many relatives around when I was born ? It would have been very hard for my mother to be alone. Was her life a happy one ? I would like to think so. So I came into this world alone, and alone I will leave ! Was my childhood full of laughter, or was it full of pain ? Was there much sunshine, or was it only rain ? Well , from what I remember, I needed an umbrella or a raincoat, but there was none. I was drenched from head to toe! How was it falling in love for the first time…is that possible…or was it just physical attraction? I know Love doesn’t just happen…it has to be nurtured before it can blossom! What was it like being a father, or even a grandfather? I did what I could, and then retreated into my shell like a turtle! Now the years have caught up because I can no longer run! Should I succumb to this captivity, or should I, once again, rise?

Some people have such a tough time in life, while others are basking in sunshine, even when it is cold! Is that fair ? Shouldn’t all of us be equal? You laugh ..others cry..what a world! Some suffer from childhood to adulthood. When they were young , they dealt with alcoholic fathers and poverty. On weekends, they have to hide from those fathers because of the harsh treatment they will receive. The eldest has to protect the younger siblings in whatever way possible! There is no healthy food on the table…hence poor performance in school , also probably nervous breakdown. There is no money to pay for doctor’s fees because that was spent on alcohol! I guess other family members have to help. That is just the beginning of anxiety disorder and panic disorder which , if not treated properly, can last your lifetime! That is not the life we want! As you mature, you experience similar situations which only resurrect the dead….those feelings..those nightmares..those restless nights..the demon in the darkness! So here we are again, as children, reliving the past. Our hearts are again bleeding…our minds are confused…disorder has once again risen from the ashes of the past!

Hospice is a place where you can lovingly say goodbye to your loved ones,,,,it is not a dumping ground. When we are seriously ill, it tells on our loved ones who become emotionally strangled and physically immobilized! They are at their wit’s end trying to figure out a way out of this. Their glucose level and blood pressure will hit the roof! We, on the other hand, realize what is happening, and deeply grieve to see our people suffering, even though we are suffering also. Hospice just may be the solution to these problems. It will ease the suffering of our family who will make sure that our last days are beautiful, filled with glorious memories of the past. We should never feel that we are being discarded, because there are also the staff members who are specially trained to handle these situations! They will also make your few sad days become one long everlasting day filled with joyful memories! You will probably even forget that you are even in a hospice. Your family will become so relieved to see you happy, and you , in turn will also feel at ease, seeing them like that! You will also make new acquaintances. So please think of hospice as, not the end of your life, but the beginning of a brand new one with endless possibilities!

Being in the emergency room for a long while gives one an opportunity to reflect on certain aspects of your life! So why are you there in the first place? This is the last place you want to be on Xmas day. People are there because of mental health issues, physical or even emotional problems! Now you start to observe your surroundings , and evaluate what’s happening . People who are in there are either drunks who had a great time the day before, or mentally disturbed because of various reasons…maybe they felt unwanted in the home, or were physically and/ or emotionally abused,,,,probably they had health issues . Who knows? They are awaiting treatment regardless of the waiting time! They need it! You see the doctor attending various patients whose relatives’ expression seem far from being happy! Bad news , i guess…..most of us were in that situation at one time,,,we know how it feels, especially on Xmas day! Now it is your turn,,,life threatening , or limited survival time…who cares,,we all have to go! Do we let our relatives know, or do we spare them the agony or despair? It is our choice! We rely on our knowledge of what is going on with the relatives before we share or fabricate the results! We should realize that the endgame is the same. Is this really the emergency? Our whole life is an emergency! Our decisions, our choices,,even our thoughts are of critical value! That is the real emergency! That is what we need to get fixed,,,STAT!! Emergency in the hospital is no emergency at all….physical, social..or even mental,,,does not matter…THE MAIN EMERGENCY IS YOUR DECISIONS AND CHOICES!! TIME IS LIMITED. How long will you wait? You are not a patient awaiting the doctor’s report! You are the doctor prescribing your treatment….your medications,,your choices,,,,,,THIS IS YOUR EMERGENCY …SO WHAT IS YOUR DIAGNOSIS ? LIVE NOW OR SUFFER LATER?

Is this a saying or is it a movie….the man with a thousand faces (I would say ..expressions instead of mask ) ? Are there people like that ? I really believe so…especially where the expression part is concerned! People take up acting careers and later move on to theaters or movies…surely, they portray various roles..good guy..bad guy etc , thus showing their skill at wearing different masks! Applying different methods to act the roles, they use the service of the make up artists. I guess that without the makeup, they will still be plain old John or Jane Doe with lives worse than us, and characters that will put them to shame! So, they are people with a thousand faces…masks…expressions! In our daily lives, we tend to do the same….different masks for different occasions. It is tough to say that we remain the same from birth to the present ! Our experiences, environments and even encounters shape us…we respond differently to various stimuli! Our responses are not limited to a single one but to several….we choose the one which we feel is the best in handling the situation..it is our choice! We are not robots programmed with a single reaction to a single situation. The human brain is fascinating and complicated! So we are complicated. We are human. Each person has different characteristics, and so behave differently from each other. Even though we have that character/ principle baseline which we value so much, a simple harmless kitten may exhibit the roar of the lion under certain circumstances! It is better to tell the truth and be thought of as a cruel person, than to tell a lie while wearing the mask of the innocent, and having people liking you? So , wherever you are now and whatever you are doing, which mask are you wearing?

It is raining, but there is no water on the ground….the sun is shining, but there is no warmth. There is the moonlight for us to fully appreciate, but still there is no joy! Birds are singing..children are laughing, but we are oblivious to all of these. A new day has dawned, but we are still stuck with the old day. We are falling from a cliff, and still we never reach ground zero. There are people whom we have known for ages, but we hardly recognize our own reaction towards them. Emotionless we remain..we see people suffering and still cannot empathize. What has become of us? Where have we strayed from the path we were using before ? Why have we become so accustomed to the dark? Or are we the darkness….. or are we at the road’s end where there is nowhere else to go? This is the moment to think of these emotions, but we are unable to think! Every day is the same…or is there anything like every day,,,and not one very long day? Is this the beginning of the end, or is this really the end? Are we actually living ? When we ask ourselves that question , we just hear an echo of the same question,,,but no answer! In fact, we are merely existing…just going through the motion until we are absorbed by the night! So what do we do? Should we make a stronger effort to keep in touch with reality,,,or just stand in line…waiting to be recycled? Are the flowers going to wait for us before they bloom? Will the sun be on standby , awaiting our move towards reality? Who knows? Probably, we are the omnipotent !

Our lives are made up of moments,,,each moment may be very short, or may be an infinity for us. These may be very unpleasant in nature, or filled with pleasure depending on which hand we are being dealt. How about remembering the sad moment when we were given unfavorable news? What was the dominant emotion coursing through our veins..maybe anger or grief? What about the time when you won the lotto…weren’t you exhilarated ? Even though that moment is just a memory, it still affected us! Then we have the lovers getting lost in each other’s eyes..transfixed..mesmerized..transported into infinity! They are in their own world, oblivious to anyone or anything except each other! Their eyes have become forests,,each is lost in each other. So then, let’s not count our existence in days. hours or minutes,,,,but in moments! By this way, our lives will be more meaningful…because we are not reacting to minutes but to moments. Let us make each a happy one or at least , make someone else happy! Wouldn’t the world be a better place it this was possible? Remember , our lives may be destroyed in a single moment by a single moment. All it takes is just one moment in time to live it , before it is forever obliterated …gone like the wind. So what do you think? Should we count our days, or enjoy each as it comes? Enjoy your life moment by moment,,,who knows whether you will ever see another dawn,,,,think of the present as the dusk of your life…don’t waste it! Utilize it!