As I lay on my dying bed, I once again reflect on my life…my memories, my experiences! Did I live a good happy life? Was everything to my expectation ? Do I need people to judge me and deliver a verdict ? Sorry! I do my own analysis whether I was good or bad..I made my choices and I lived with them..so I am my own judge and jury. I did what I had to do! I can imagine my parents meeting for the first time…I guess there were sparks,,maybe love at first sight! Who knows? Were there many relatives around when I was born ? It would have been very hard for my mother to be alone. Was her life a happy one ? I would like to think so. So I came into this world alone, and alone I will leave ! Was my childhood full of laughter, or was it full of pain ? Was there much sunshine, or was it only rain ? Well , from what I remember, I needed an umbrella or a raincoat, but there was none. I was drenched from head to toe! How was it falling in love for the first time…is that possible…or was it just physical attraction? I know Love doesn’t just happen…it has to be nurtured before it can blossom! What was it like being a father, or even a grandfather? I did what I could, and then retreated into my shell like a turtle! Now the years have caught up because I can no longer run! Should I succumb to this captivity, or should I, once again, rise?
TOO TOUGH TO TAKE
Some people have such a tough time in life, while others are basking in sunshine, even when it is cold! Is that fair ? Shouldn’t all of us be equal? You laugh ..others cry..what a world! Some suffer from childhood to adulthood. When they were young , they dealt with alcoholic fathers and poverty. On weekends, they have to hide from those fathers because of the harsh treatment they will receive. The eldest has to protect the younger siblings in whatever way possible! There is no healthy food on the table…hence poor performance in school , also probably nervous breakdown. There is no money to pay for doctor’s fees because that was spent on alcohol! I guess other family members have to help. That is just the beginning of anxiety disorder and panic disorder which , if not treated properly, can last your lifetime! That is not the life we want! As you mature, you experience similar situations which only resurrect the dead….those feelings..those nightmares..those restless nights..the demon in the darkness! So here we are again, as children, reliving the past. Our hearts are again bleeding…our minds are confused…disorder has once again risen from the ashes of the past!
HOSPICE
Hospice is a place where you can lovingly say goodbye to your loved ones,,,,it is not a dumping ground. When we are seriously ill, it tells on our loved ones who become emotionally strangled and physically immobilized! They are at their wit’s end trying to figure out a way out of this. Their glucose level and blood pressure will hit the roof! We, on the other hand, realize what is happening, and deeply grieve to see our people suffering, even though we are suffering also. Hospice just may be the solution to these problems. It will ease the suffering of our family who will make sure that our last days are beautiful, filled with glorious memories of the past. We should never feel that we are being discarded, because there are also the staff members who are specially trained to handle these situations! They will also make your few sad days become one long everlasting day filled with joyful memories! You will probably even forget that you are even in a hospice. Your family will become so relieved to see you happy, and you , in turn will also feel at ease, seeing them like that! You will also make new acquaintances. So please think of hospice as, not the end of your life, but the beginning of a brand new one with endless possibilities!